Comments on: The (D)Evolution of the Desi Dude http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/ For the modern South Asian. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:16:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Anup http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-32001 Wed, 15 Oct 2008 04:08:09 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-32001 Just reading this article has made me realize nothing. This is shit i already know. Guys and Gals both have flaws. they both have a punchlist of what they want in a gal or guy. NO ones perfect so deal with it . Stop listening to what others have to say about this and that. Just follow your heart and do what feels right to you. Also,There is alot of truth to what everyone is saying here. I am single and i am constantly being judged because of my education level and family financials. Im not rich and I DO HAVE A COLLEGE education. AND i do have a job!! I may not be a doctor or have a master, but i can tell you i would make my wife the happiest woman on earth!! Another thing BIGGEST FLAW girls have from MY experience is they set a high bar for what they want in a guy. And the end result of that they are old and not married and all the other guys go to india to get married. NO ONE IS PERFECT. You gota give a little to get what ya want just as much as guys have to! ! try to view a person for who they are and not what they have or do. NOT many girls and guys do that. Also girls and guys tend to listen to all the other bullshit people tell them about the general population. Dont let a few bad apples spoiler the bunch, just go out and find out for your self how good or bad it might be. And alot of the time people make it all about what the other people have to say and what he and she said. Its all about what they have this and that yada yada yada ya,........ you have people who been through some bad shit and people who been through good shit. Its really up to the person on how they take it and how they were raised and by who they were influenced by! Personally id want to fall in love with someone for who she is and NOT what she has or does! Im not perfect damnit i do not or will not ever think or act like a old school traditional desi man!i Just reading this article has made me realize nothing. This is shit i already know. Guys and Gals both have flaws. they both have a punchlist of what they want in a gal or guy. NO ones perfect so deal with it . Stop listening to what others have to say about this and that. Just follow your heart and do what feels right to you.

Also,There is alot of truth to what everyone is saying here. I am single and i am constantly being judged because of my education level and family financials. Im not rich and I DO HAVE A COLLEGE education. AND i do have a job!! I may not be a doctor or have a master, but i can tell you i would make my wife the happiest woman on earth!!

Another thing BIGGEST FLAW girls have from MY experience is they set a high bar for what they want in a guy. And the end result of that they are old and not married and all the other guys go to india to get married. NO ONE IS PERFECT. You gota give a little to get what ya want just as much as guys have to!

! try to view a person for who they are and not what they have or do. NOT many girls and guys do that. Also girls and guys tend to listen to all the other bullshit people tell them about the general population. Dont let a few bad apples spoiler the bunch, just go out and find out for your self how good or bad it might be.

And alot of the time people make it all about what the other people have to say and what he and she said. Its all about what they have this and that yada yada yada ya,……..

you have people who been through some bad shit and people who been through good shit. Its really up to the person on how they take it and how they were raised and by who they were influenced by!

Personally id want to fall in love with someone for who she is and NOT what she has or does! Im not perfect damnit i do not or will not ever think or act like a old school traditional desi man!i

]]> by: Jimoh Alabi http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-30665 Wed, 08 Oct 2008 06:19:57 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-30665 This is from a gora, or even worse, a kali :) Desi women should broaden their horizons. Your Mr. Right may be right under your nose but because he is not desi you reject him out of hand. What you don't realize is that there are plenty of men such as myself who come from cultures that are very similar to Indian culture and who are willing to learn and imbibe the best of the two cultures while being in love with their woman...and who do not see the difference in religions to mean anything. At the end of the day, aunties and uncles can make all the noise they want -- a man and a woman make a marriage, and as long as they are willing to recognize their differences and work through them, the marriage will be a successful one. Desi women, broaden your horizons. Some of your men already have done so and agree to marry outside their race and culture, and they and the world are the better for it. Desi culture is in no danger of extinction, India has 1.2 billion people after all :) This is from a gora, or even worse, a kali :)

Desi women should broaden their horizons. Your Mr. Right may be right under your nose but because he is not desi you reject him out of hand. What you don’t realize is that there are plenty of men such as myself who come from cultures that are very similar to Indian culture and who are willing to learn and imbibe the best of the two cultures while being in love with their woman…and who do not see the difference in religions to mean anything. At the end of the day, aunties and uncles can make all the noise they want — a man and a woman make a marriage, and as long as they are willing to recognize their differences and work through them, the marriage will be a successful one.

Desi women, broaden your horizons. Some of your men already have done so and agree to marry outside their race and culture, and they and the world are the better for it. Desi culture is in no danger of extinction, India has 1.2 billion people after all :)

]]> by: Prince http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-25675 Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:58:48 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-25675 I am a desi male. What YOU don't understand is how much grief and depression we go through looking at desi females. Quite pathetic at this point. Ugly, hairy, demanding, and did I mention, hairy? I am a desi male. What YOU don’t understand is how much grief and depression we go through looking at desi females. Quite pathetic at this point. Ugly, hairy, demanding, and did I mention, hairy?

]]> by: Ozzy http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-22785 Fri, 02 May 2008 16:56:49 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-22785 Michele probably had the best post here in my opinion. I am a brown guy, but I believe in desi culture a best way to judge a guy is by his mother. Guys from my culture are often a good reflection of their mother, and often take on a lot of their values. If they are pampered constantly they get used to it. I myself was pampered, but being the eldest of three sons when my mother wanted a daughter has changed the way I was raised. I respect women, romance with them, and think it is insulting to expect a desi women to act traditional when you yourself will not do so. Is it fair for a guy to demand a chaste woman and not be so himself? Of course not, it is utterly ridiculous. Personally, I love the traditional values and arrangement of a desi marriage. My goal is to earn enough money so that my partner does not have to burden herself with having to go to work. The only point i really don't compromise on is the kids. A bond between a mother and her kids is far stronger then the father, and as such even if she wants to work I would not like her to during the early years of the kids life. A 2-3 year old needs his/her mother. I wish everyone luck finding someone who they can share a strong communication and life with. Michele probably had the best post here in my opinion. I am a brown guy, but I believe in desi culture a best way to judge a guy is by his mother. Guys from my culture are often a good reflection of their mother, and often take on a lot of their values. If they are pampered constantly they get used to it. I myself was pampered, but being the eldest of three sons when my mother wanted a daughter has changed the way I was raised. I respect women, romance with them, and think it is insulting to expect a desi women to act traditional when you yourself will not do so. Is it fair for a guy to demand a chaste woman and not be so himself? Of course not, it is utterly ridiculous.

Personally, I love the traditional values and arrangement of a desi marriage. My goal is to earn enough money so that my partner does not have to burden herself with having to go to work. The only point i really don’t compromise on is the kids. A bond between a mother and her kids is far stronger then the father, and as such even if she wants to work I would not like her to during the early years of the kids life. A 2-3 year old needs his/her mother.

I wish everyone luck finding someone who they can share a strong communication and life with.

]]> by: Vishal http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21935 Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:18:17 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21935 I Completely agree with Michele, Parents are to be given respect no matters whose they are. It goes both ways. Relation are build on trust, respect, love and compromise. thats what life is all about. Sharing Joy, Pain and responsibilites. It doesn't matter whather you are desi or non desi. (If Non Desi were so perfect there would not be any divorces in WEST). Point is no one is perfect. It's about finding most of quality (Rather than all Qualities) in each other, rather than finding MR. Perfect or MS Perfect., Everyone has flaws... I hope we remember that we are all HUMAN. Wish you all good luck with your search I Completely agree with Michele,
Parents are to be given respect no matters whose they are. It goes both ways. Relation are build on trust, respect, love and compromise. thats what life is all about. Sharing Joy, Pain and responsibilites. It doesn’t matter whather you are desi or non desi. (If Non Desi were so perfect there would not be any divorces in WEST). Point is no one is perfect. It’s about finding most of quality (Rather than all Qualities) in each other, rather than finding MR. Perfect or MS Perfect., Everyone has flaws… I hope we remember that we are all HUMAN.

Wish you all good luck with your search

]]> by: Zahra Hayat http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21397 Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:12:16 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21397 Oh my! The search for a GREAT desi man??? As much as I'd love to write about this topic, I find it a chronic and mind-numbing topic of conversation since this seems to be every single desi girl's complaint. Draining... The author of this article needs to keep in mind that problems exist in ALL cultures. Don't think only desi men are tainted with relationship troubles! All cultures have their issues. Heck, we all have issues. We just need to choose which ones we want to deal with. The article is just another desi girl crying about not finding a man! My advice to her: STOP LOOKING SO HARD and really STOP MAKING EXCUSES ABOUT WHY YOU HAVEN'T FOUND A MAN! I hear this argument everyday from single girls and once upon a time (only 12 months ago), I was that girl. Today (thank God) I'm not. Oh my! The search for a GREAT desi man??? As much as I’d love to write about this topic, I find it a chronic and mind-numbing topic of conversation since this seems to be every single desi girl’s complaint. Draining…

The author of this article needs to keep in mind that problems exist in ALL cultures. Don’t think only desi men are tainted with relationship troubles! All cultures have their issues. Heck, we all have issues. We just need to choose which ones we want to deal with.

The article is just another desi girl crying about not finding a man! My advice to her: STOP LOOKING SO HARD and really STOP MAKING EXCUSES ABOUT WHY YOU HAVEN’T FOUND A MAN!

I hear this argument everyday from single girls and once upon a time (only 12 months ago), I was that girl. Today (thank God) I’m not.

]]> by: Michele http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21182 Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:30:45 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21182 From a gori's perspective. I am a 42 year old white woman, divorced, with a few long term relationships under my belt. I am engaged to the first (and last) South Asian man I've ever been with. Regardless of race, he is the most loving, considerate, respectful man I've ever known. And after getting to know him better all I wanted to do was to tell his mother, "thank you, thank you, thank you!!!". That's not to discount his father but it's the mother that has the biggest influence in this situation. At least with the things that matter most to me. I am a very lucky woman. At first his mother had expectations that her son would marry a nice Indian girl, which is totally valid and understandable. However, growing up in Canada, he was integrated in an environment of a, primarily white, western culture. So, it was difficult to force that issue without getting a lot of opposition. She just resigned to wanting her kids to be happy. Which is really what every mother should hope for anyway. I am very fortunate that his family have welcomed me with open arms and accepted our relationship fully...as long as I convert to Hinduism. ;>) He has all the important qualities I could ever dream of in a man. Caring, respectful, affectionate, responsible, funny...and yes, he's one of the few men that actually iron. I think it's the respect he has for his mother that allows him to respect and do the things that are important to me. A mama's boy he is not. There's a difference between a mama's boy and a boy who respects his mother. A mama's boy is one who is still attached to her by the umbilical cord and is incapable of making his own decisions. The latter respects his mother and the values she has taught him while having an independent mind. Desi or not, as long as sons learn by example from their parents who show mutual love and respect for one another, I think there's hope. From a gori’s perspective.

I am a 42 year old white woman, divorced, with a few long term relationships under my belt. I am engaged to the first (and last) South Asian man I’ve ever been with. Regardless of race, he is the most loving, considerate, respectful man I’ve ever known. And after getting to know him better all I wanted to do was to tell his mother, “thank you, thank you, thank you!!!”. That’s not to discount his father but it’s the mother that has the biggest influence in this situation. At least with the things that matter most to me. I am a very lucky woman.

At first his mother had expectations that her son would marry a nice Indian girl, which is totally valid and understandable. However, growing up in Canada, he was integrated in an environment of a, primarily white, western culture. So, it was difficult to force that issue without getting a lot of opposition. She just resigned to wanting her kids to be happy. Which is really what every mother should hope for anyway. I am very fortunate that his family have welcomed me with open arms and accepted our relationship fully…as long as I convert to Hinduism. ;>)

He has all the important qualities I could ever dream of in a man. Caring, respectful, affectionate, responsible, funny…and yes, he’s one of the few men that actually iron. I think it’s the respect he has for his mother that allows him to respect and do the things that are important to me. A mama’s boy he is not. There’s a difference between a mama’s boy and a boy who respects his mother. A mama’s boy is one who is still attached to her by the umbilical cord and is incapable of making his own decisions. The latter respects his mother and the values she has taught him while having an independent mind.
Desi or not, as long as sons learn by example from their parents who show mutual love and respect for one another, I think there’s hope.

]]> by: h http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21139 Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:58:00 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21139 A lot of these definitely has to do with the mothers and fathers in question. If mothers (of every culture and religious background) actually put more emphasis on raising sons that were responsible, caring, and compassionate husbands who don't think of wives as servants who also give sexual perks, that world would be a better place. There are definitely cultural double-standards in play here. I would like to point out it's not always about different generations - even in the previous generation there were men who really considered their spouses their equals and respected and cared for them. Of course, half of those men were unfairly labeled 'joru ka ghulam' (many times by other women!). Marriage is about taking care of each other. And responsibility. And it can't be one-sided. And both parties are human. So women and mothers! Raise responsible and decent sons, and stop thinking like the mother-in-laws you like to deride otherwise! A lot of these definitely has to do with the mothers and fathers in question. If mothers (of every culture and religious background) actually put more emphasis on raising sons that were responsible, caring, and compassionate husbands who don’t think of wives as servants who also give sexual perks, that world would be a better place. There are definitely cultural double-standards in play here. I would like to point out it’s not always about different generations - even in the previous generation there were men who really considered their spouses their equals and respected and cared for them. Of course, half of those men were unfairly labeled ‘joru ka ghulam’ (many times by other women!). Marriage is about taking care of each other. And responsibility. And it can’t be one-sided. And both parties are human. So women and mothers! Raise responsible and decent sons, and stop thinking like the mother-in-laws you like to deride otherwise!

]]> by: Jasleen http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21126 Tue, 11 Mar 2008 18:23:06 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21126 Chirag, It was refreshing to hear that coming from a desi guy. I don't all desi guys are bad and not all desi girls are perfect. You can't generalize an entire race. Yes, everyone has their flaws, but at the end of the day what matters is how they treat you, their character, and their values. Chirag,

It was refreshing to hear that coming from a desi guy. I don’t all desi guys are bad and not all desi girls are perfect. You can’t generalize an entire race. Yes, everyone has their flaws, but at the end of the day what matters is how they treat you, their character, and their values.

]]> by: Chirag http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21119 Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:42:07 +0000 http://niralimagazine.com/2005/02/the-devolution-of-the-desi-dude/#comment-21119 A friend of mine sent me a link this article and I had to write in. I would characterize myself as not the typical Desi guy. I'm not a 'Mamas Boy'...I have my own house, I cook (yes even Indian food), I clean (even on hands and knees to mop), and I take good care of myself. I try to wear the latest clothes but not over spend and I have activities outside of work. So, my question is, what do modern Indian women look for? Can they spot guys like me? I'm not saying that I'm the perfect guy but I am a guy that will make dinner for my significant other during the week, help out in the kitchen, and house. What I would like is to ENJOY life with my SO, together. I don't believe in a one way street..who wants that? And why? I think there are a lot Indian guys out there that are progressive and modern. Ladies...put down the 'checklists' when on a date...and look at the guy behind the 'checklist' and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. A friend of mine sent me a link this article and I had to write in. I would characterize myself as not the typical Desi guy. I’m not a ‘Mamas Boy’…I have my own house, I cook (yes even Indian food), I clean (even on hands and knees to mop), and I take good care of myself. I try to wear the latest clothes but not over spend and I have activities outside of work. So, my question is, what do modern Indian women look for? Can they spot guys like me? I’m not saying that I’m the perfect guy but I am a guy that will make dinner for my significant other during the week, help out in the kitchen, and house. What I would like is to ENJOY life with my SO, together. I don’t believe in a one way street..who wants that? And why? I think there are a lot Indian guys out there that are progressive and modern. Ladies…put down the ‘checklists’ when on a date…and look at the guy behind the ‘checklist’ and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

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